


I knew it

by SamanthaM_M



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gingerpilot, I Blame Tumblr, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Original Character(s), Post TROS, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 17,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22372498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaM_M/pseuds/SamanthaM_M
Summary: 'I knew it' is the new 'I know'
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Armitage Hux, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 127
Kudos: 150





	1. Chapter 1

“General Dameron! General!”

Poe stopped in his track and turned around.

“Yes, lieutenant?”

Firas took a deep breath before speaking - it was obvious he ran across the entire base to catch Poe. He was holding something, a package pressed tightly against his chest. He reached out to Poe who reluctantly took it from his sweaty hands.

  
“What is it?” Poe asked upon examining the small box. It was suspiciously lightweight and without a signature.

  
“We do not know, sir. We received it today alongside the shipment of medical supplies. No inscription apart from being addressed to you. Droid scans didn’t find anything so I assumed it was safe to pass it on to you.”

  
Now that piqued Poe’s curiosity. He wanted to know what it could be – his days as a new Resistance general were hectic and there was little to no time for surprises. He wondered about the whole ordeal – it could be anything from a bribe from a former warlord to a meaningless gift from a grateful subordinate. Anyway, it was too small to be of any significance if the scanning didn’t reveal anything telling.

  
“Good, glad that you followed the procedure,” Poe said. “That will be all, thank you,” he added when the younger man didn’t move as if he was expecting Poe to open the parcel right there in front of him. If there was some disappointment in Firas’ eyes he didn’t let it show as he saluted and left Poe alone with his thoughts. Yes, there was no signage but the box itself must have been harmless if the security staff let it pass through. Probably nothing too important, Poe said to himself and left the inconspicuous package on the desk in his room and went on with his duties, determined to take a look at it later that evening.

  
***

  
It took hours before Poe had a chance to return and by that time he forgot all about the damned thing. In the months following the Resistance’s victory on Exogol he rarely got a moment to himself. The Resistance was busy fighting the remnants of the First Order and setting up the negotiations for new allegiances. Not wanting to repeat the previous mistakes of the New Republic he found it demanding to navigate his people through the difficult times without the guidance and patience of General Organa. Poe wished he had her knowledge of diplomacy and he empathy. Actually, he wished for many things but he knew none of them would come true.

  
Poe sighed as he looked around at the messy desk and piles of documents and all of his personal belongings crammed in the modest living space that he occupied. He used it for sleeping only anyway as there was not much else to do in his spare time.

  
Finn left with Rey to train to become a Jedi and help her seek out other Force sensitive people. Poe, never being too keen on believing in the power of the Force, begrudgingly had to say goodbye to two of his closest friends. He would rather swallow his own tongue than to admit he missed Rey’s taunting and Finn’s company and their missions flying Falcon together. Everyone around him was so occupied in the last couple weeks that it made him question when was the last time he had a meaningful conversation with someone. Lost in his own thoughts he pulled out a knife and cut the innocent looking parcel open. Inside there was a small metal box. So far nothing life changing.  
He turned to throw away the plastic packaging before he opened the lid. Poe’s mind has been wondering somewhere far away – he thought about the meetings, the orders … he wasn’t really focused when he took a look at the contents of the package he received that morning. Inside there laid a single strand of bright orange hair and a small datadisk used for storing coordinates.

  
And then he knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe makes a decision

Several days passed. The inconspicuous box sat on the desk where he left it. Poe tried to force himself to think about it rationally but he still unexpectedly found himself being overridden with guilt. Because it was obvious who the hair belonged to and it was difficult for him to come to terms with admitting that. What was it supposed to mean anyway? He knew the man was dead, he was sure of it. Poe was even paranoid enough to check their database on known First order commanders – it clearly stated General Armitage Hux died on the bridge of Steadfast during the Battle of Exogol. He read the file over and over again but it did not provide him with any answers to his burning questions.  
When asked about the parcel by Connix, Poe lied and said it wasn’t anything important. Or at least not important to Resistance. And Poe was too scared to ask himself if it was of any importance to him.

  
***  
 _“General Dameron, can we talk?!”_  
 _“No, I would prefer not to!”_  
 _“Let’s not pretend that the negotiations failed because of your hot head and quick mouth!”_

***

  
Poe left the meeting furious. He knew very well it was his lack of patience and manners that ended the fruitless discussion with a representative of a planet that was former First order ally. He returned to his quarters and tried to wash the shame with cold water, staring into the mirror and not seeing the man they thought him to be. Everyone was trying to persuade Poe that he was the leader, the one they wanted to follow. But he did not share the idea with them, he didn’t believe he was made of leadership material at all. All he wanted to do sometimes was stick his head in the sand and not listen, not do anything. And he was ashamed because he knew that was expected of him, that it was something he was brought up to do – to be a great pilot and a great leader. But Poe did not feel like it at all. He felt like he was failing all of them - his mother and father, Finn, Rey, general Organa, people who relied on him…

Something was expected of him and he did not live up to it and that made him feel like a failure. Like he was not good enough to make all the important decisions that needed to be made. It was just too much pressure to be under scrutiny of all the people looking up to him. Poe wondered how Hux did it. How did he keep his face, how did he manage to command entire First order, how he became the general responsible for building the Starkiller base. He stroked the strand of bright hair and remembered that one time they met face to face and how it all turned out wrong in the end.

  
How did Hux survive? Was he really still alive? Was there any hope? Or was this just some kind of a cruel joke or perhaps a trap from a mysterious enemy? The hardest part for Poe was the burning desire to know if Hux was indeed still out there somewhere. Wanted to talk to him. Thank him for helping him, for saving his life from the First Order. But Poe knew he could not afford the luxury of getting close with the man responsible for destroying the Hosnian system. Even if Hux was alive then all Resistance could offer him was a fair trial for the war crimes he committed. Even if Poe was grateful for all the information he provided them with, risking his own life while being a spy among First order ranks, it would not be enough to save him from exile or worse, execution. With a sinking feeling in his stomach Poe realized that he would have to be the one to condemn Hux if such trial ever came to be. Goddamn it, he wanted to give Hux a second chance, even if he wasn’t entirely sure he deserved one. Poe’s heart and his curiosity took the better of him and he inserted the enclosed disk into his datapad and looked at the coordinates. The map led to Belkadan – an Outer rim planet in the unknown territories. It could have been minutes or hours before Poe moved his eyes away from the screen.

  
Finally, he decided. Leaving just a short message for the Resistance staff to find later, he grabbed his jacket and run towards his ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how or why I wrote this, but enjoy  
> I feel terribly sorry I jumped on the Gingerpilot train too late, but I'm sure as hell going to enjoy the ride!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we meet Armitage Hux again

The anxiety attack was starting again. He could tell by the unpleasant feeling crawling up his neck and the trembling of his limbs. He shot an apologetic glance at Nirs but the old alien paid him no mind, already being used to Hux’s antics and unexpected fits. Armitage walked outside the shop and into the back yard letting the pain take over his body. He simply let it all out and it felt welcoming after years of self-control and holding back his feelings. He screamed and screamed until his throat hurt, until he couldn’t scream anymore and fell to his knees. Letting out a small laugh he remembered how he hated Ren’s temper tantrums and now he was the one to rage and trash everything around him. What an irony. 

He sighed quietly. The situation was getting worse by the day. When he first arrived to this place he thought it would only be a temporary solution; that he would manage to escape elsewhere and start a new mission. This faith was enough to get him through the first couple months but as the time moved on even he had to stop lying to himself. There was nowhere else to go. No way of communicating with former allies. Actually that was a lie too – there were no friends, no one willing to extend a helping hand and take the former general in. After spending all these years trying to climb to the top he ended up back right where he started – alone, unwanted, rejected, humiliated. Everything he tried to fight came back at him and all he stood for fell into ruin. It was a perfect time for Armitage’s dry sense of humor to kick in but he was too preoccupied with his own survival to reflect on the unfairness of fate. 

Belkadan wasn’t exactly a hostile planet – one might even call it pleasant with its vast forests and mountainous terrain. But it definitely was a backwater hole without any means of trade or interference with the rest of the galaxy. Maybe that saved Hux’s life in the days following his execution and escape form First order. However laughable it was for him to wear a blastproof vest under his uniform it paid off in the end and he was able to get off the Steadfast with only minor injuries after Pryde exposed him as the Resistance spy. Then again – he made it possible to run away only thanks to his paranoia which made him prepare for all eventualities, even setting up an escape pod.

And then he winded up here – on the smallest, most insignificant planet in the entire Galaxy with no information on what was going on. Well, Armitage had some information – old Nirs was nice enough to let him know he received a transmission stating that the First order was defeated and the Resistance was taking over whatever was left of the galactic government. No updates on the state of First order, its commanders or even Resistance leaders. Without access to the holonet and with no means of transport Hux was stuck on Belkadan indefinitely. And time sure does pass slowly for a person wallowing in their own bitter pity.

***

“Eat up, boy. You are of no use to me dead and gods know you’re close to starvation.”

Armitage glared at Nirs but he took another sip of the slimy green soup. Nirs was right – he needed strength even if he despised the food. A lot of things could be said about the eccentric guy that took him in but a great cook was not one of them.

“I’ll get to the west side tomorrow. The N87 droid gave me a tip there might be some of the parts we are looking for,” replied Armitage as he forcibly finished his bowl. His disgusted noises made Nirs smile but he didn’t react until he poured a glass of spotchka and put it in front of Hux.

“Good, seems like a great idea. Take the speeder, I won’t need it.”

Hux just nodded to that. He was reasonable enough to understand that there was nowhere to run on the planet and it was better to stay under the protection of a hardened native. He wasn’t foolish to believe he would last very long out there on his own. He finished his drink and left with a ‘good night’.

***

Nirs Drek was one of the few natives left on Belkadan and it was fool’s luck that Hux run into him when he arrived on the planet. Nirs run a small shop with scavenged parts of discarded starships from the pre-imperial era. This type of trade attracted all sorts of shady figures from crime syndicate members to renowned bounty hunters. They all sought the replacement parts for their unregistered ships and were willing to pay generously for staying off of the radars of both New republic and First order. This was the world Armitage Hux got trapped at and this was the reality that he had to deal with every day.

The instant sound of rain woke him up the next morning. Despite the loathsome working conditions he had to put on his work clothes on and get ready for departure. Scavenging was no easy job and Hux, who hasn’t worked manually a single day in his life, found it twice as hard. Yet he still tried to put his engineering education and background to good use while hunting for parts required by their clients in a vague hope that he might establish a communication canal with someone – really anyone on the outside would do. In the meantime a quiet deal with Nirs was cut – Hux worked for the man and in return he was allowed to live in the shop and share much needed albeit unappetizing meals. As he put on his jacket, Armitage caught a reflection of his own face in the metal plate of the compensator he was cleaning the day before. The person he saw was unrecognizable – hair long and disheveled, stubborn orange beard and dirty tattered clothes, features roughened by the unfavorable weather. No, this was not the Armitage Hux he used to know. The general who dreamt of becoming a Supreme leader and ruling the galaxy. Those ideas were dead. But he was still determined to live and the spark in his green eyes served as proof.


	4. Chapter 4

The air was cold and smelled of rain and wet moss. Armitage didn’t mind it one bit. Actually, the scent reminded him of Arkanis. He didn’t allow himself the luxury of remembering the planet he was born on very often as it brought back unwanted memories of his mother but he couldn’t help himself this time as he looked at the grey sky and rolling clouds. However, he could not get lost in his own thoughts and had to shift the focus on the task at hand – packing the gear and hitting up the speeder. 

The wreckage was never a joyful place but under the dim sunlight it appeared even gloomier than usual with empty hulls of dead ships towering towards the sky. Armitage sat on a pile of rubble overlooking the junkyard filled with discarded vessels. Had he known that the entire planet was one big garbage dump, he would have chosen some other place, but honestly, he did not have much of a choice in the matter. He betrayed the First order but he didn’t join the Resistance pilot when he had the chance. Neither would take him back now and he wasn’t sure if there was even anything left of the First order. His lips curled up in a cruel smirk when he remembered that general Pryde was dead. Armitage always perked up when he thought of that bastard getting just what he deserved. But he couldn’t revel in his revenge too long – there was work to do.

He was fortunate that Nirs left him the speeder for the day – the trek to the junkyard was quite long and the scavenging part was dangerous enough on its own. Searching for the right parts was not easy – hordes of scavengers already stripped the easily approachable wrecks over the past decades so he was forced to look in places that were difficult to access while risking his own life. Plus there was no telling if he’d be successful in locating the components he needed which meant no profit for Nirs and the prolongation of his involuntary stay in this forgotten hole of a planet.

It was an uneasy task right from the beginning – Armitage was no mechanic and had very little patience in trying to understand the processes. The only reason he surrendered to the idea of becoming a scavenger was money. The First order credits meant nothing here in the Outer rim as he had learnt the hard way. The only language the inhabitants and travelers passing through this place spoke was “cold hard cash” as Nirs told him and the bruises and cuts on Armitage’s skin after he took a beating in the local cantina served as proof. “Only the strong survive here, boy,” Nirs told him while attending to his wounds back when the incident happened. Hux only gritted his teeth at those words. General Hux never used physical strength to impress or threaten his subordinates, he’d rather use his natural authority to keep them in check, deeming such primitive behavior as inappropriate to his position. But Armitage had to learn how to be intimidating here in order to keep away from those who would love to slice his throat and have a look in his pockets. Damn, he had to do so many things he never did before, things he was not prepared for. Even though thankfulness was not one of his prominent traits, he did not forget to show gratitude to Nirs – or at least he tried to in his own, awkward way. Which meant that he just nodded quietly and didn’t utter a single thank you because his pride didn’t let him.

***  
“Hey, N-87, pass me the hydrospanner!”

“Yes, sir!”

Armitage leaned to reach the spanner from the droid and tried to release the stuck transmitter he was working on for the past hour. The damned thing didn’t budge an inch and he was losing hope of getting his hands on it. Frustration was starting to get the better of him and it showed.

“May I try it for now, sir?” asked the droid politely. Armitage was wondering who would program an ordinary maintenance droid in such a way, but Nirs just laughed about it claiming he isn’t the right one to question droid’s odd manners.

“Yes, you can give it a go. I couldn’t do shit about it,” replied Armitage and moved aside to make space for the droid to try. He climbed out of the half-disintegrated freighter that lied on its side and walked over to the speeder parked nearby. He knew that he needed to keep an eye on it all the time – even though it seemed he and N-87 were the only sentient beings in the vicinity, the silence could be misleading and Armitage had no intention of walking back to the shop or something far worse.

He wiped the sweat from his brows with his sleeve and took out a water bottle. As he took a big gulp he noticed the sun started to set. Kriff, came to his mind, he spent the whole day trying to retrieve one part that might not be even worth it for all he knew. He didn’t feel like showing up with empty hands but there was nothing else he could do if he wanted to be back at the shop before nightfall.

“N-87, let it be,” Armitage shouted at the droid. “We’re heading back.”

Armitage waited for the droid to climb out of the rotting ship, examining the calluses on his palms in the diminishing light – the prize he had to pay for the ticket to freedom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet again

The town was small and reeked of odors one would rather not describe. That was if the settlement could ever be called a town – it was just several buildings thrown around haphazardly. Poe scolded himself for being stupid enough to be drawn out here into this stinky hole of a planet but there was no going back now. He left his x-wing hidden behind a ridge and ordered BB8 to guard it until he'd came from exploring.

Belkadan. The name of the planet that popped up on the screen once he inserted the datadisk he received into the designated slot. Poe has never heard of it but it was a good sign – Hux would not hide in an overcrowded place, his tall figure and bright orange hair would stand out too much. The orange hair, a single strand of which was now safely stored in the inner pocket of Poe’s jacket. He patted the pocket mindlessly. His determination drove him here but now that he stopped he realized he didn’t know what he came here for. Was it hope he’d meet a man he saw once? Poe wasn't one of those people who’d think before jumping into action and he didn’t come up with an elaborate plan this time either. Though overthinking was not his thing he might have been doing just that as he entered the small and uninviting cantina – the only larger building he found in the quiet settlement. The smell that riddled the entire town was even worse in the cramped space and the source could clearly be identified as the kitchen behind a dirty bar. Poe, used to seeing worse during his spice-runner days, didn’t mind the smell as much as the figures sitting in the shadows. He eyed them tentatively but entered the room anyway.

“Hey,” he leaned against the counter, addressing the Klatooinian manning the bar. The alien didn’t pay him no mind but Poe heard some shifting behind his back. He could feel their eyes on the back of his neck but he chose to ignore it.

“I’m looking for someone. You don’t think you could be of any help?” Poe asked, louder this time. Getting no response from the silent bartender, he turned around to go and try his luck elsewhere. That’s when the shady figures in the back of the cantina stood up and approached him in a way not even the daftest Yuzzum could consider friendly. Poe touched the blaster in the holster on his hip. He was outnumbered five to one and he had a bad feeling about it. The atmosphere was getting denser each second yet the barkeeper was oblivious to the impending fight. In the meantime the locals formed a tight circle around Poe.

“We could help you look for the one you seek,” said the tallest of them. “For a reasonable price, of course. And if you don’t have credits on you – we are always open to a compromise.”

With a sinking stomach Poe realized they were talking about his x-wing as they must have seen him arriving. He trusted BB as he knew the droid was able to take care of himself in any situation but he was hoping to get out of there without any trouble.

“Thanks for the generous offer guys but I’m not looking for any trouble,” Poe said with a forced smile. It became very clear very fast that these were not the words they wanted to hear and what would follow.

“Wrong answer.”

Poe managed to dodge the first punch but before he could draw his blaster a kick in his abdomen sent him crumbling to the ground. He let out an angry grunt and shot the nearest alien in the leg but didn’t have time to do more as one of them kicked the blaster out of his hand. Trying to reach for it while the leader squeezed his arm Poe heard a sudden shriek, a very unpleasant sound of breaking bones and then silence. The tall alien holding him let go and stumbled away, running out of the cantina. Poe quickly grabbed his blaster and turned to thank the person who helped him.

There stood a man with orange hair and shock reflecting in his green eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have gone crazy couple past days, enjoy

The sky began to turn purple – sign of the nearing nightfall and rising of the planet’s two moons. Shadows stretching across the junkyard made the place look even creepier than during daylight but it was a cemetery after all and places dedicated to death do not look good in any light.

Armitage returned to the shop just as the sun touched the horizon. The feeling of defeat took over him as he threw down his bag. He was very well aware that none of the parts he retrieved that day had much value on the market. N-87 must have known this too because the otherwise extremely talkative droid was silent their entire way back. Luckily the route was way quicker with the speeder – if they had to walk Hux would probably just drop dead halfway. Anyhow, their return was far from victorious.

“Not looking very good today, boy,” Nirs greeted him when Armitage entered the common area. There was nothing he could say to that – he knew he looked beaten even without a mirror.

“I’ve talked to a couple potential customers today,” continued Nirs when Armitage didn’t respond. “One of them is looking for some replacement parts for a cruiser he wants to resell – I told him we could look into that. What do you think?” Old alien kindly didn’t mention his lack of success, not a single word of how Armitage didn’t make profit out of the parts he brought for the past week. The kind-hearted man took him in when he had nothing and he was failing to pay him back and yet he expected nothing in return. Bile started to rise in his throat, gods, how much he loathed himself.

“I’m a failure,” Armitage uttered with lowered head, barely audible.

“No, you’re not, boy, it’s just that….,” started Nirs but he didn’t let him finish.

“I AM a failure. I failed as a general and now I failed as a fucking scavenger. I can’t do anything right, everything I do is doomed to fail. Just like my father said – a disappointment. A loser.” Hux hid his face in his palms but was surprised to find no tears on his cheeks. The desperate need to let all the emotions out was there but he still couldn’t cry as if he didn’t even know how to. He was taught that crying was a sign of weakness but now at his lowest point he lost all will to care about being weak.

“Look, kid. Fair and square – I knew you were First order, when you came here. I didn’t mind. You’ve got two healthy hands and you’re young – you can still make something out of yourself. That’s why I took you in – I saw the potential in you. Not to mention that I’m not getting any younger and I needed help around here. But what I’m trying to say is – you need to stop pitying yourself.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, I feel much better about myself now,” he replied dryly.

“Well, there’s only so much I can do for you. The rest you need to figure out on your own.”

“But I can’t! Are you dumb? Don’t you understand? I’ll never make it out of here! I’ll never make it anywhere…. It would be better if the Resistance captured and executed me. I’m no good to anybody anyway.” Armitage shocked himself when he heard his own voice and those words. He was on the brink of completely giving up.

“You believe what you believe but I’d bet my ass there is someone out there who cares about you,” said Nirs slowly in a vague attempt to cheer him up. He put his calloused hand on Armitage’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“You’ll find what you’re looking for. Just be patient. That’ll do it.”

Since Armitage didn’t continue his raging fit, Nirs sighed contentedly and left him alone with his thoughts. Hux felt a bit guilty about pouring out his anger in front of the old guy – he wasn’t the one to blame for Armitage’s fucked up life. Though he had to admit Nirs was right – he had to start accepting his fate and actually doing something about it. After short contemplation he decided to go to the town and try to find the client Nirs was talking about earlier. If that person was trying to sell a cruiser maybe they could help him get somewhere else, preferably more civilized. With his mind a little bit more at ease, he stood up and left the shop. The cantina where all the people seeking business on Belkadan was not far away from Nirs’ place so Armitage didn’t have the time to make up his mind on the road there. The noises of fight pouring out from behind the bar didn’t startle him – during his stay on the planet he got used to quarrels and fights on a daily basis. He entered the building only to find five strangers attacking a guy in an orange flight suit. Without hesitation he disarmed the one next to him and knocked out the other one.

Silence ensued. And he stared into Poe’s eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

The ringing in Poe’s ears was getting louder. He must have hit his head when he fell. But the punch he got was nothing in comparison to the shock he felt when he saw the man in front of him – alive and well.

“You need to get the hell out of here. Now!”

Armitage grabbed Poe’s arm and forcefully dragged him out of the cantina and past the onlookers outside the building. He let go only as they were out of sight and didn’t hear the noises behind their backs.

“What a bloody idiot you are! They would have returned and killed you.” Armitage stopped abruptly to check on Poe who couldn’t catch his breath.

“I’m glad to see you too, Hugs,” he replied with his trademark smirk as he regained his bearings. The smile on his lips didn’t last long though – obviously, he would have recognized Hux anywhere but he seemed to have been doing poorly.

“There’s no time for that.” Hux turned and started walking again so fast that Poe could barely keep up with him. They were heading further from the place where he left BB8 with the x-wing but he had more pressing matters at hand.

“You’re not even gonna say hello to me, Hugs? That’s not the general I used to know,” Poe teased him further. They were far enough from the town for him to feel safe to start a conversation.

“You know it’s very impolite to not reply to a greeting from an old enemy, but maybe you had a different habit in First order…” It was the mention of First order that finally made Hux snap out of his silence. He grabbed the front of Poe’s shirt and pulled him uncomfortably close. Poe could feel the warmth of his breath on his face.

“You think you’re being funny, Resistance scum? What the hell are you even doing here? It’s not like you haven’t won the war already. What more do you want from me? Haven’t you got enough?” Hux kept raising his voice with every word to the point when it echoed off the trees surrounding them.

“Hugs, I didn’t mean to…” Poe started but Hux didn’t let him finish.

“Is that not why you came here? To take even more from me? You want to kill me, right?”

Instead of trying to argue with Armitage Poe gently reached for his hands and touched them. That was too much for Armitage – he ran out of breath finally and tears started streaming down his face. He tried to suppress his sobbing but with no avail. It hurt Poe to see someone who he once considered to be his worst enemy in this pathetic state but he didn’t know what to do in this awkward situation. So he put his arm around Hux’s shoulders and patted his back, letting the taller man lean against him.  
“I’m not here to kill you, I don’t know where you got that impression, Hugs.”  
Armitage’s breath slowed down but he didn’t say anything to Poe so he continued.

“I know you risked your life helping Resistance and everything… I wanted to repay that debt. We all owe you so much actually, we could not do it without your aid. I thought you were dead, but…” suddenly Poe found himself at a loss of words, not sure whether he should mention the package with hair and the coordinates. He decided that this conversation could wait for a later moment. After a few seconds he felt that Hux calmed down enough and Poe let go of him. Armitage took a deep breath, stepped back and wiped his face with the back of his hand. When he looked at Poe he reminded him more of the First order general he used to know.

“Does this mean that I’m a Rebel scum too, now?” asked Hux and his voice was almost back to normal, only with the faintest sign of the tears.

“Yeah, you can be a Rebel scum if you want to.”

“Do you want me to be a Rebel scum?” This question caught Poe unprepared. He was not sure what Hux meant by it but he wanted to extend the offer of friendship.

“Yes, I do.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is hurt and Poe confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they are stupid and so am I. god help us survive this pandemic quarantine. thank you

Silence reigned over the shop that night. The quietness of the place was very unnerving to Poe but Armitage didn’t seem to mind the oddness of the situation. The lights were off – Nirs must have gone to play cards with the neighbors as he did every once in a while. The two of them were alone. And never ever in his entire life did Poe wish more for anyone else to be there with them. He didn’t plan for this. He didn’t think about what he would do when he’d finally meet Hux in person. Poe simply wasn’t ready for a situation like this, which was a bit off for him as he usually believed he could talk his way out of anything dangerous. But this time it didn’t help that the other man hadn't uttered a single word since his unexpected breakdown when they left town.

Hux moved around the poorly-lit shop and continued with his tasks as if Poe wasn’t even there. His face wasn’t giving away any emotions and Poe could only guess what Hux was thinking about. He, on the other hand, had millions of questions and his mind raced faster than a pod-racer. Was he supposed to start talking? Tell Hux about the package he got? With a sinking stomach Poe realized that Hux was extremely surprised to see him… what if he wasn’t the one who sent it? That was impossible, Poe shook his head and dismissed that thought. He was confused as to why Hux was acting like this if he was asking for help but maybe his pride didn’t let him show it openly. There was no wonder why – Poe had seen the town and the dirty shop and immediately realized that the life on Belkadan wasn’t what Hux was used to as a general of the First order.

“You should just get it over with.” Hux’s sharp voice cut the silence between them like a knife. The resignation in his tone was so obvious that it sent chills down Poe’s spine. It was not easy to see someone like Hux to give up on life.

“What should I get over with?” Poe asked, confused.

“You told me you didn’t come to kill me. Well, it serves as a proof that you haven’t even tried yet. But I know Resistance must want me dead… after all I did. I know you might want to appear all honorable and fair like a wise leader, but I know what I deserve. I know who I am.”

“Kriff, there must be something in the air here if the infamous general Hux found his conscience…” Poe chuckled when Hux went silent again, but the deadly stare quickly shut him down. Poe didn’t know how to continue, so he just babbled.

“Look, I’m sorry about the mess earlier.”

“You mean the incident in the cantina? Don’t worry, we’ll deal with them later.”

Poe was about to let out a sigh of relief but when he raised his head he caught himself staring straight into Hux’s green eyes. And was he damned for how uncomfortable that made him feel.

“Tell me something, Dameron. Was it Organa who sent you? To arrest me, to bring me in front of a fair trial?” He spit out those words with a level of disgust that Poe would normally find unacceptable but the guilt and grief stopped him.

“I see the word hasn't reached you. General Organa is dead.”

The light in the room hasn’t changed but Poe caught a glimpse of it as Hux moved and looked away. Then he realized that Hux never met Leia, never even talked to her – he had no reason to feel sorry or apologize. After all, he had nothing to do with her death, unlike the destruction of the Hosnian Prime system.

“Who is leading the Resistance now?” Hux asked facing away from Poe.

“I’m the general now,” he answered quietly. Now that he wished to read his face, Hux turned away from him and walked to the door.

“Stay here tonight. Don’t go outside, there are scoundrels wandering around.”

With those words Hux slammed the doors and left Poe alone. He hid his face in his palms and whispered to himself. “What have I done.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets to look around

Poe jumped up at the sound of an extremely loud thud. It took him a minute to realize where he was and what the origin of the noise was. The first thing he saw was an angry BB unit beeping curses in binary at a somewhat amused looking maintenance droid.

“Excuse me, sir. I feel the obligation to warn you of this BB unit. He sure must be malfunctioning. He is trying to persuade me that he is looking for someone named Poe Dameron and if I shall not grant him access to said individual, he will use all the necessary ways and means.” To further support his words the droid pointed at BB’s Taser raised in warning. Poe just smiled. That seemed like his BB8.

“And he is right – I am Poe Dameron. It’s okay, BB, you can cool it down.” The BB unit let out a disappointed sound but he did as Poe said. Now it was time to explore the place.

“Sir, you must forgive me my insolence but might I ask you what your business here is?” the droid inquired with a significant level of worry. Poe’s smile widened – this old maintenance droid reminded him of the annoying way C3PO spoke.

“Sir?” the droid asked again, but no answer came from Poe. What was his business here, indeed? He couldn’t answer that question himself. Why did he come to Belkadan and more importantly what did he hope to find here? A friend? An ally? Answers? But it was no time for philosophical pondering – Poe needed to make sure he was safe and his x-wing still intact. Not to mention the trouble he got into – that could be a problem later. So without listening to any of the droid’s complaints and laments Poe got up and left with BB8 following him.

***

Armitage was no stranger to sleepless nights. He was familiar with long and dull hours filled with staring into the ceiling of his bunk. So he waited patiently for the night to end and he could run away from his problems and hide in the junkyard. This was probably the first time he actually looked forward to leaving the shop and going to the wreckage site. He hoped the isolation and remoteness of the place would help him sort out the thoughts that weighed on his mind – the shame that he let himself come apart in front of Dameron, the hope of leaving the wretched place and the fear of the impending justice. He noticed that Nirs had already returned so he quietly packed his stuff, took the speeder and left.

***

“And who the kriff are you, young man?” Poe didn’t even need to turn around to see the blaster pointed at his head. So he put on his most reassuring smile and raised his hand above the head where it could be clearly seen he wasn’t armed. When he turned around he finally saw the old alien accompanied by the maintenance droid.

“This is the droid I was talking about, sir. He just showed up this morning and talked about someone named Poe Dameron.”

“Just to make things clear – I’m Poe Dameron and BB8 is my droid. We’re not here to cause any problems,” Poe said while side-eyeing his droid to make sure BB8 wouldn’t attack them.

“Nice to meet you Poe and BB8, but I would still like to know what the kriff are you doing in my house?” The alien didn’t lower his blaster nor did he make any movement to make it easy for Poe to dodge an attack. He must have been used to intruders which was not surprising based on Poe's experiences here so far. He thought for a bit about how to answer the guy but he decided to go with honesty.

“I came here looking for Armitage Hux. He brought me here last night.” Whether it was the sincerity in Poe’s voice or something else but the alien finally put down his weapon and sighed. All of a sudden he looked more worried than angry.

“So you came for the boy, ah? Come this way,” he gestured at surprised Poe. “And I’m Nirs, by the way. N-87 can take care of your droid while we talk inside."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Nirs talk

Poe sat down on an uncomfortable little stool and looked around the dusty kitchen. The rays of morning sunshine revealed the unflattering reality of the place that looked like it was put together from scraps and discarded pieces. With BB8 quietly beeping by his side it dawned on him that the fall of one known as General Hux was swift and hard and it concluded on this forsaken planet.

Meanwhile Nirs stomped around the counter, meddling with cups and dishes. Finally he put a mug of steaming herbal tea in front of Poe and seated himself across the wobbly table.

“Guessing from your uniform, you with the Resistance, huh? I figured out this would happen… sooner or later,” he started talking without Poe having to urge him, for which he was grateful. “I know more about what’s going on out there than I let show, ya know? And he talks… he does not explain himself, but he talks. And from what I can put together I realized he was on a run from something. Actually I was surprised no bounty hunter showed up on our doorstep yet, him being a big fish with the First order and all that stuff.”

Poe gulped. So this old man, Nirs, thought he came here to kill Armitage too and he must have known or at least assumed the part Hux played in the First order. The entire world turned against him just when he was at his lowest. No wonder he had been acting the way he did when he saw Poe.

“It would be a pity,” Nirs continued. “I mean, he is smart and hard-working and I got used to having him around. I don’t look at the past – I found out there’s not much sense in it.” He finished the sentence and looked at Poe expectantly as if he was supposed to elaborate on that. But he didn’t dare to say anything so Nirs went on and Poe’s throat tightened with every word he heard.

“He came here a couple months ago beaten as a stick. I figured out he wouldn’t last very long as he didn’t seem to have the grip, well, but he is tougher than he seems. I was kinda shocked, I have to admit, to see him fight but he managed. So I took him in a week or two later – I’m not getting any younger myself and the business has not been the way it used to be before the war.” Nirs stopped there to take a sip from his cup filled with some liquor, or so Poe suspected based on the smell of it. “Anyhow, tell me how you two know each other.”

This question caught Poe unprepared. This time being honest wouldn’t help because even he didn’t know the true nature of their relationship if they ever had one. He coughed to hide his discomfort.

“We used to be friends,” Poe answered after a moment of hesitation. “I haven’t seen him in a long time… I sought him out to see if he needed help.” Poe thought that was just a small lie at the price he had to pay. His response was met with a raise of an eyebrow from Nirs but he didn’t react otherwise. Straight away Poe realized how stupid of him it was to say that, but it was too late to take it back.

“Ah, I see,” said Nirs after a moment of contemplation. Poe got mad – why couldn’t he use his brain for once? He sure was perfectly able to make the situation more difficult than it already was.

“Look,” said Nirs as he stood up. “I don’t know what funny stuff you two got going on but all I’ll say is – I would vouch for the boy. And I mean it.”

“Now I’m gonna take care of your x-wing before those idiots take it apart.” Poe didn’t even ask how Nirs knew he arrived on an x-wing. “You should go talk to him – he could use a friend now.” Poe could sense something in Nirs’ voice – a whiff of hope? He looked down at BB8 and the droid made an encouraging beep.

“Where can I find him?”

“Armitage?” Nirs scratched his beard. “He took the speeder this morning so probably out in the northern fields. But watch out – it’s a rather long walk and…”

But Poe didn’t catch the end of the sentence – he grabbed his jacket, gestured at BB8 to follow him and ran out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse before they get better

The sun was burning mercilessly as it reached its highest point. Not even that stopped him from work. He chose to retreat into the most northern part of the junkyard where the wild forest started to take over the remnants of abandoned ships and trees were growing from their rusting hulls. This place was not crawling with scavengers like the other sites closer to the planet’s scattered outposts – once the nature started taking back what was hers it became too dangerous to forage for parts here even though the oldest ships from the High republic era with the most advanced tech were located there. But no expensive and rare pieces were worth risking falling to death or being mauled by wild animals so the shipyard in the middle of nowhere was not popular among the parts hunters.

Armitage very well damn knew it. He knew the perils of going out alone and he knew what threats were hiding there. Despite all of this he took the speeder without permission and went on his own. Not a soul for miles would interrupt him as he tried to purge his mind of the burning of shame and guilt he felt everytime he thought of Poe Dameron. He tried to suppress all of it and his pale skin turned red from the labor and sunburn. Still, he pushed on trying to extract the module he was looking for. Suddenly he pressed too hard, the key flung out from his sweaty hands and the sharp edge of the metal sheet cut his fingers.

“Shit!” he shouted out in pain. Blood started streaming from the wound and flowing down his forearm. Armitage just gritted his teeth – he hated the sight of blood, he had always hated it and of course he didn’t have any bandages nor first aid kit with him. Scavenging was a tricky occupation but so far he was lucky to avoid any injuries. Still swearing he took off the bloodied shirt, torn off the sleeve and wrapped it around the oozing cut. His head started spinning from the blood loss so he sat down to examine the damage. It wasn’t looking good – the cut went deep across the palm and between his fingers. As if the day couldn’t get any worse. This was a very unlucky time to not be able to work – he couldn’t live out of Nirs pocket forever. Then he thought of Poe and what his arrival probably meant…. He might soon leave Belkadan, although not in the way he desired but as a prisoner of the Resistance. As a man sentenced to death for his war crimes. The short moment of remorse would surely mean nothing once Poe took him in front of a trial made out of Resistance members who all despised him. The embarrassment flooded his cheeks when he remembered he cried in front of his … he couldn’t remember if Poe was an enemy or if Hux’s betrayal made them allies. It happened just one time and it changed his life completely. Without that one mishap he would have died aboard Steadfast with that scumbag Pryde.

While the death of his oppressor always made Armitage smile one quick look at his hand made him comprehend that the blood loss was more serious than he originally assumed – his entire shirt was now soaked in warm red liquid. It became clear he wouldn’t make it back before he lost conscience – not even on the speeder. He let out a hysterical laugh – his sense of humor didn’t fail him this time. They, because Armitage was sure Nirs would go looking for him and the speeder he took, would find his dead body and the cut and blood would make it look like a suicide. The whole situation was so ridiculous he started laughing even more and the entire world began to blur around the edges.

***

It took Poe a couple of hours to reach the scrapyard that Nirs pointed him to. The uneven terrain made him leave BB8 behind with the weird maintenance droid named N-87 so he spent the journey lost in his own thoughts, trying to sort them out in a way that would at least resemble some sense. He didn’t even notice how his worries about the future of the Resistance disappeared – all that occupied his mind at the time was Hux.

Soon he saw the described speeder in front of him so he started to call out for Hux. After getting no response he walked further into the tangle of crumbling ships and saw a figure as white as a ghost leaning against one of the wrecks covered in blood.


	12. Chapter 12

“Don’t freak out too much, kid, he’ll be alright.”

Poe found himself sitting in the dirty kitchen again, listening to the clatter of bottles as Nirs poured him the same liquor he was drinking earlier. He knew Nirs was trying to cheer him up a bit but it wasn’t working. The state he found Hux in was troubling him more than he was willing to admit. When Poe saw his bloodied and lifeless body, he panicked and brought him immediately back. It turned out to be the best course of action as Belkadan wasn’t the most civilized place or at least that’s what Nirs told Poe while he tended to Hux’s wounds. The whole ordeal left Poe emotionally and physically drained, so when Nirs offered some of the mysterious liquor he called ‘spotchka’, he gladly took the offered glass and swallowed the burning liquid. It still didn’t wash down his worries.

“You got a medi-droid? Or you can send for someone, ask for help?” Poe inquired again, even though he knew it was to no avail.

“Look, around here we got what we got and we gotta help each other. Not much else can be done. The blood loss isn’t as grave as it seems – he is delirious from the sunburn and dehydration, not the wound itself, it’s not like it’s infected or anything. Idiot went out without a water bottle.” Nirs chuckled at his own remark to Poe’s disbelief. The image of what would happen if he didn’t find Armitage in time would haunt him forever – it sure wasn’t something he could joke about as easily as this man.

“I already told ya he can stand more than he lets show on the outside. Sure, he is skinny and kinda pasty…” Nirs stopped talking to look at Poe’s face but after seeing his expression he rather changed the topic. 

“Okay, okay, don’t give me that look. Imma gonna check on that x-wing of yours – the gaskets need changing and the actuator looks like it’s standing on its last leg. Seems like you guys in the Resistance are short on resources, huh?”

No response came from Poe. He felt like he should be doing more, not just sitting and chatting here. Nirs made it clear that not much could be done for Hux while he was unconscious but he just wouldn’t let it go. The old alien must have sensed it because he stood up and patted Poe on a shoulder.

“I can’t imagine how the First order and Resistance member can be ‘friends’ or whatever you choose to call it, but it serves you right that you care about him. But now you gotta get off your ass and start doing something useful. For starters, you could tell your feisty little droid to stop fighting with N-87, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, sure I can – what do you need help with?” Poe bowed his head to hide the reddening eyes. The last thing he needed now was Nirs seeing him as even more of a pansy than he already looked like.

***

The rest of that day dragged on even slower for Poe and he just strolled around the shop aimlessly. Nirs took to cleaning the beaten x-wing and BB8 apparently made peace with N-87 and now followed the droid everywhere. Based on the continuous beeping he was very content with being annoying and all. However Poe couldn’t bring himself to be interested in BB’s shenanigans. Armitage didn’t wake up yet and Nirs wouldn’t let Poe see him, which made his heart even heavier. He couldn’t ignore the raw fact – he didn’t want Armitage to die, now more than ever and he couldn’t bear the idea of Armitage wanting to end his life the way he did. Was he really so lost, so terrified of having to stand trial? And Poe was scared because despite all the lies he told himself he never really knew the man that was Armitage Hux. He watched the purple shadows spreading in front of him as the sun began to set beyond the horizon.

“Admiring nature, Dameron?” asked a mocking voice behind his back and Poe turned around to see a tall, ginger man leaning against the door.


	13. Chapter 13

“Don’t give me such a worried look, Dameron, I’m okay.”

The sun finally touched the distant tree line, deepening the shadows to almost black. Hux stepped back inside with Poe’s eyes glued to the bandage wrapped around his right hand. The blood didn’t soak through but that wasn’t a sign that the injury wasn’t grave enough to kill him later with an infection.

“Nirs told me the same, but I think you should be in bed,” Poe insisted but Hux just scoffed to that. “I mean it, what were you doing outside?”

“I needed to check if you’re not doing anything stupid,” said Hux teasingly as he walked back into the small and cramped kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. “Really, it’s nothing serious – Nirs is a surprisingly good nurse, though I sure didn’t want to find out this way.”

Poe didn’t know what to say to that. He’s been in many life threatening situations but this felt somewhat different – as if his life depended on the outcome of the situation. He found it weird to stare at Hux’s shirtless torso so he turned his head away but something in the way he did it must have given his feelings away.

“I see now. You think I did it on purpose,” Hux said with a clear distaste in his voice.

“And didn’t you?”

“You would not believe me even if I gave you the truth,” was Hux’s answer and it irked Poe.

“Tell me, how did you survive the battle on Exogol? I thought you died with the rest of First order.” Poe stepped closed and looked straight into Hux’s eyes. He needed to know the answer to that question – it was important to him. Even though he didn’t know why, it was.

“I used the Force,” Hux mocked him in return. The mention of Force rubbed Poe the wrong way.

“You think it’s funny, yeah?” His voice started rising along his irritation.

They stood uncomfortably close to each other now and their height difference would have made it awkward have they noticed. The unexpected sound of slamming doors made both of them snap out of their shared trance.

“Sorry to interrupt your staring contest, boys,” started Nirs as he scraped his boots on the kitchen doorstep. “But I could use some help out there. That dirty old ship is giving me some trouble – she nasty.”

Hux instinctively reached out being used to helping Nirs at any hour of the day but Poe’s hand on his elbow stopped him.

“Not you, you’re not in the best shape,” Poe said resolutely surprised by the passion of his tone.

“He’s right, my boy. Ya need to regain some strength before you can be of any use again. Anyway, I’d like to ask that tiny droid of yours – he doesn’t look like it, but he's pretty handy.”

It took Poe a moment to realize Nirs was talking about BB8 – he almost forgot he took the droid with him to this planet. He just shook his head in agreement, sure that BB would not mind some excitement. Either the matter with the x-wing repairs was really pressing or Nirs no longer wished to witness their heated argument, but he just snatched some screws from one of the boxes lying on the floor and left, leaving the two men in an anxious silence. Not one of them dared to move so they stood in the thickening darkness. Hux’s chest rose up and down with the labored breaths.

“Leave,” he broke the stillness finally. “I don’t understand why you came here. Not to kill me, you start talking about some bullshit…”

“I already told you – I just want to know what happened!” Poe didn’t mean to yell at Hux but he couldn’t contain his anger any longer. The desperate need to know the truth kept scratching at the back of his brain.

“If you really need to know, this was an accident,” Hux waved his injured hand in front of Poe. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me and I sure as hell don’t need your mercy or sympathy or whatever you came here for.”

“Hey, Hugs, you misunderstood me completely…”

“Stop using that stupid nickname!” screamed Hux in frustration. “See, you can’t even call me by my actual name and yet you dare to call yourself my friend. What the fuck?”

Those words hit Poe like a transporter and left him speechless. Hux was right – Poe gave him no reason to trust him. And their old quarrel only added salt to the wound. Before he had a chance to regain himself and apologize, Hux left and Poe found himself on his own in the quiet night again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks because I'm an idiot. Enjoy

The nights on Belkadan were different than on any other planet Poe’s ever been on. The jungle on Ajan Klos was warm and filled with the company of his co-pilots and crew members. Here the silence was almost deafening although it didn’t last long – with the rise of the moons, owl-like creatures and bats started their nocturnal hunt for prey and they couldn’t be bothered by the sight of a lonely pilot leaning against the wall outside a run-down shop.

He returned to check on BB8 and found the droid snoozing on a charging pad that Nirs have so thoughtfully prepared for him. Not wanting to disturb him, Poe left his droid alone and slipped back out into the cold night air. The coolness calmed his hot head – he regretted how he treated Hux now. Ten minutes or perhaps an hour could have passed when he heard footsteps behind his back and a tall figure emerged from the shadows. Hux sat down next to Poe and he was for once grateful for the darkness hiding his embarrassment. 

“I still keep wondering how you found me,” started Hux tentatively as if scared that they would yell at each other again. Poe didn’t answer right away but after a while he decided honesty would be the safest way.

“A message with coordinates was sent to our base with my name on it. There was no signature so I couldn’t be certain if it wasn’t a trick. Everyone thought you were dead but I didn’t want to believe it,” Poe said quietly as if he was talking to himself. “I needed to know for sure.” 

“So you just decided to check it out on your own? That seems very you,” Hux laughed sarcastically as his dry sense of humor started to poke through.

“You know I asked you to come back with us when you helped us escape… I really meant it.”

“I don’t regret not accepting it.” Hux's voice was quiet but firm. “And before you start arguing – it would have changed nothing for me. It wouldn’t take back what I’ve done no matter what you think.”

“You could have helped us win the war… you already did that once.”

“I also ordered to kill most of the Resistance… and yet you come here to extend your offer again. One would think you’ve gone mad, Dameron.” 

Poe had nothing to say to that. Silence has creeped between them once again and covered them like a thick blanket. 

“Don’t you want to know what happened to the rest of First order? Or Kylo Ren?” asked Poe, remembering what Hux told him before they parted ways.

“No. I don’t need to know which hellhole that bastard ended in,” he turned to look at Poe. “I figured out he must be dead. And I don’t give a damn about the rest of it.” This behavior left Poe bewildered – he always held General Hux as a merciless and resolute rival of the Resistance, a man determined to wipe them out to have the First Order rule over the galaxy. Hux stood up and got ready to leave.

“I’m not done with you yet, Hux,” Poe stood up too to face him. “Maybe you’re right, maybe you don’t deserve a second chance. But you’re young and you’ve got a strong mind and you’re smart – you could help us rebuild the Republic. You could do some good to repay for what you’ve done – but no, you choose to wallow in self-pity in this dreary place. Do I need to beg you to get over yourself and do the right thing one more time?”

“Why would you even need my help with that? You’re the general now, you’ve got your Resistance, and you’ve won! You already got everything I’ve ever wanted!” It looked as if Hux’s own words came as a shock to him. And so did Poe’s reply. 

“What if I told you I’ve never asked for any of that? For fucks sake, I’m a pilot, not a freaking general. I can’t do this thing alone."

The truth that weighed both of them finally found its way out but neither knew how to deal with it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not on the same page... or are they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stupid and I'm aware of it, please don't roast me too much  
> also - Stay home, stay safe!

“I was right – you have indeed gone mad, Dameron.” Hux’s smirk all but vexed Poe.

“You can’t imagine what kind of pressure I’m under,” he defended himself. This made Hux burst out with disgusted laughter once more.

“I’ve sacrificed my whole life to that one goal and you think I don’t know? Don’t you understand it was something I’ve been aiming towards since my childhood?” Poe opened his mouth to say something but Armitage didn’t give him time to respond.

“Ever since I was a boy I was taught to believe in First order, trained to be the leader I was supposed to become… and then I had to watch it all crumble in front of my eyes. You have no idea how that feels. How it feels to be manipulated and abused and lied to your entire life. How it feels to never be able to trust anyone around you because they all despise you and want to see you dead and defeated and after it all ends you don’t even know who you are because you were never given a chance to be yourself. Not for a single minute.” Eventually he ran out of breath but the weight of his words had an unexpected effect on Poe. He never considered what Hux’s life must have been like, how lonely and hard it must have been to stand on the top of the First order.

“I could help you with it. To find a meaning in your life again,” he said inaudibly and instantly felt sorry for letting that thought slip out. This was getting too personal – he didn’t want to intimidate Hux.

“That’s ridiculous. I already told you I don’t want your help,” Hux turned all defensive.

“Yeah, but I can be very persuasive….” Poe stated.

“No, Dameron, you’re not, I can tell you that.” Hux tried to make the sentence sound definite but Poe still had hope he could be turned around. He still couldn’t grasp why he needed Hux’s acceptance but it was essential to him. He very well remembered the moment when Hux told them he was the spy, the spark in his eyes, the determination on his face… how much he adored him in that second. Based on the one memory that struck so strong in his mind he was sure the other man’s desire to help the right side was genuine. He wanted to believe he could see that spark in Hux once again if he just found the will to fight.

“Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? In this place? This can’t go on forever, you’re wasting the best of yourself away here.”

“Still want me to come with you, don’t you? That’s the most desperate and pathetic thing I’ve ever seen, even from you and your Resistance.”

“I want to recognize the man who helped us in the first place – and the excuse that you wanted Kylo Ren to lose is not going to work on me this time. General Hux had a different reason.” Poe wasn’t sure if his words would land the right way but his burning desire to know the truth pushed him further and further into this pointless argument with the former First order highest commander.

Hux didn’t say anything to that but he sat back down next to Poe which he took as a good sign. For a long minute they just gazed at the starry night and the small bats flying across the pitch black sky appeared only as smudged little dots on the canvas of the dark trees behind them.

“There were bats the size of a person in the forests on the Starkiller base, you know,” said Hux suddenly. Poe just looked at him in surprise. Hux shook his head and chuckled quietly. “That’s not what I wanted to say. It’s just… I guess I’m not ready to talk about it. All of it. You make being a hero look so easy… but it does not come so to me. Not with the…, “ the words were fighting its way out of his throat. “I need to face it alone.”

Poe gave him a reassuring smile, relieved they were past the shouting part of their conversation. The smile didn’t last long though. He knew what Hux was afraid of. And what part Poe played in it.

“Being a hero is not easy at all, I can tell you that,” he said at last. And even without the ability to read people’s mind using the Force he was somehow sure that some of the weight on Hux’s shoulders was lifted.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protect the poor bats, they are innocent (I have gone mad already)

Something was there, lingering on the edge of his mind and he tried to catch it but to no avail. It didn’t take long for Poe to realize the painful feeling actually came from someone vigorously shaking his shoulder and not from the dream. He stood up way too quickly and his head started spinning but Nirs helped him up. It was already morning and he spent the night outside on the porch, covered by his own jacket. Armitage was nowhere in sight.

“Sorry to wake you up from your nap, boy, but I got a thing for ya.” Poe just stared at Nirs as if he couldn’t understand. Last night’s conversation seemed like a dream in the rays of morning sunlight, as something unreal that didn’t happen.

"Where is Hux?”

"Oh, you mean Armitage?” Nirs scratched his head. “I told him to get some rest, so I guess he went back to bed, I didn’t check on him.” Poe turned instantly to go and see him but Nirs hand stopped him.

“I think this is pretty urgent, boy, if you don’t mind.” Nirs led Poe to the x-wing, which looked as beaten as ever even after the extensive repairs. BB8 just rolled around, beeping nervously and Poe’s suspicion started rising. He patted his anxious droid mindlessly while waiting for Nirs to tell him what happened.

“I turned off all the systems for a while…” Nirs shoved his head into the cockpit to meddle with something. “But when I got her back up and running, there was a transmission received. You should listen to the message, it seems urgent.” Poe felt his stomach tighten – how long has it been since he left the Resistance base? Three days? Or maybe more? He couldn’t even remember if he left any message before he took off…. So he reached out with a slightly shaking hand and took the datadisk with the message from Nirs.

*** 

_Where the kriff have you been Poe, we need you here right away. One of our allied settlements in the Toydaria system is under attack. We have to send out support immediately. We need you HERE NOW._

Poe wanted to replay the message over and over again to get the angry words by Konnix into his brain. He’s always been the hot-headed one, the one to decide quickly and jump right into action disregarding the consequences. Now the indecision gnawed on his mind for the first time in his life. All of the doubts he felt before he came to Belkadan hit him with a new force. He still knew what he was supposed to do, what he had to do, even though he didn’t feel like it. Poe Dameron was not known as the man who runs from things. He knew his duty even though the dull pain in his chest suggested otherwise.

Nirs was wise enough not to say anything but he helped BB8 get back into the x-wing as Poe hastily grabbed his jacket. He wanted to say something to the old alien, thank him for his kindness and reassure him he would repay for the work he’d done on Poe’s ship, but his tongue was too heavy and his mouth too dry to say anything. So Nirs just stood there as Poe jumped into the x-wing and watched as the ship disappeared into the sky.

***

The night started creeping in on the quiet shop again. The tiny bats began their hunt as usual and they paid no mind to the fact that no one was watching them. Nirs was starting to worry. After Poe hurried departure he noticed that Armitage wasn’t in the house nor anywhere near. Usually Nirs wouldn’t be too worried as time proved the young man was perfectly able to fetch for himself but with the injured hand… Nirs wasn’t so sure. The two moons were already high when Hux returned to the place he temporarily called home. He entered the kitchen and looked around at the familiar mugs, tins and boxes.

“He’s gone,” said Nirs after a moment of hesitation.

“I know. I noticed the x-wing’s gone,” replied Armitage. The tone of his voice didn’t disperse Nirs’ worries.

“You know, boy, I hope you two cleared out whatever bad air was there between you. I was expecting you to leave with the guy, since you’re very eager to get off this planet.”

“We wouldn’t both fit into that x-wing."

As he said that, Armitage started laughing, quietly at first but then louder and Nirs couldn’t help himself but join in and their hysterical laughter echoed off of the walls and the bats that heard them that night must have been really confused as what did those two people find so funny.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can we get through this, we can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine me screeching like a pterodactyl all day long and that is the process of writing this fic

Upon his arrival back to the base Poe didn’t have enough time to think his next steps through. He barely had time to recover from his reunion with Hux. As soon as his x-wing landed he was met with a very angry Rose Tico followed by Commander D’Acy.

“Where the kriff have you been, Poe? Can you explain this?” started Rose but Poe just walked to the meeting room to gather more information.

“There’s no time for that,” Poe replied, but this didn’t classify as a satisfying answer.

“Hey, it's not okay for you to just disappear for a couple of days for ‘personal reasons’ or whatever bullshit you wrote in your weird little message! You have responsibilities… mainly now when Finn left with Rey.” Rose was basically yelling at him at this point but Poe barely registered her words as they entered the comm-room at the base. A small part of him was still somewhere else, absorbed by his last conversation with Hux so he had some trouble to focus and see the entire situation clearly.

“We received a distress signal from Toydaria’s governor – their medical supplies producing facility is under attack of one of the crime syndicates, probably the Vrathi clan. They overrun the main warehouse storing the vital supplies and are holding several hostages, including their top biochemical engineers and the governor's son. The mentioned facility is one of the most important providers of medical materials – it is essential that it’s taken back or the damages to the supply chain will be significant.” Lieutenant Firas all but spilled the run-down so Poe barely caught half of it. It seemed Rose took the reins in his short absence because she was ready to present the plan – she just looked at him to get his approval. Poe nodded and everyone in the room listened to Rose while she talked about the course of action she laid out. She sounded reasonable, her arguments were calm and convincing. That was when Poe started to notice his style of communication and strategic planning was insufficient compared to Rose’s leadership qualities. After all Rose served under Leia and apparently learnt the best she could from her. She wrapped up her speech and everyone looked at Poe awaiting his commands.

“Sounds like they need us,” Poe declared resolutely, ready to jump in on the action. “We’ll dispatch the squadron immediately. Tell the pilots we’ll meet in the hangars in five minutes.” The room echoed with voices as crew members took to their assigned stations. Poe stayed a little longer to take a closer look at the coordinates and make sure he was on the same page as everybody else.

“They needed us yesterday but someone decided to disappear mysteriously.” Rose joined Poe as he walked back to the hangar. He intended to check the fuel levels before taking on this new mission. The words stung pretty badly, but Rose clearly wasn’t done with him yet.

“You cannot just vanish like this – I actually have to know what this is about. Firas told me there was a message for you? Was it really that important to leave without consulting it with the rest of us first? What the hell has possessed you?” They stood there as people ran around, shouting instructions and preparing for departure. Rose waited for some kind of answer or explanation from him but nothing came to mind. He didn’t feel like sharing the knowledge of Hux’s whereabouts – or the fact that he survived the final battle. Somewhere in his heart Poe started to understand his behavior and his words – Rose, Finn and the other members of the Resistance wouldn’t be as easily forgiving as Poe was. The lifetime long prison was the best option Hux could hope for if they ever found out about him. Instead of making up some vague excuse Poe just jumped into the x-wing.

“Let’s talk about it when I get back,” he shouted back at her as he closed the cockpit.

***

_“Black squadron, report your positions.”_

_“This is Black One, as ready as ever.”_

_“Yeah, I heard you were born ready. This is Black Two.”_

_“Right behind you, leader.”_

_“Prepare for the incoming attack in three, two, one…”_

_“On your left at 12 o’clock! Watch out!” “….”_

_“One x-wing down, I report, Black leader is down!”_

_“Poe! Poe! POE! POE….”_


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe doubts again

“Blood pressure is stable, no fractures, and all vital signs in normal, sir, you can be discharged.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Poe spent thirty minutes under the care of a medical droid and was impatient to leave the med-bay to go and hide in some quiet space where he could scream and kick into things. The reason being the mission that originally seemed mundane turned out to be a complete failure on his side. A small inattention was enough for him to get off track. The x-wing got shot down and crashed – it was a miracle Poe escaped unharmed and BB8 with only little damage that could be repaired.

In the general chaos following the crash, the rescue mission and return to the base, there was no time for questions and Poe was grateful for that. It was just a matter of time until the investigation started. Upon their return to the base he was urged to the med-bay but Poe was sure the unwelcomed inquiries would start rolling in soon. He didn’t feel like facing the people he let down yet. The shame, guilt and anger were still burning him from within and his head hurt like it was about to explode although the med-droid told Poe he didn’t suffer a concussion.

Walking back to his quarters he avoided the curious looks from other Resistance members. The rumor about his screw up must have spread fast even though the mission was relatively small. Some things still couldn’t be kept secret on a base like this where people were talking and sharing information freely. He slouched into his room and shut the door behind him hoping to shut out the humiliation and disappointment too.

Poe took a shower and examined the scratches and bruises – all minor and insignificant injuries. It was a dumb luck, nothing else, Poe told himself. It should not have happened to someone as experienced as him – even a less skilled pilot would become a laughing stock for his crew mates if they made the beginner’s mistake he let happen that day. The worst thing was he knew exactly what caused the distraction that got him shot down. Just before the attack started he touched the pocket on his chest, making sure the strand of red hair and a datadisk was still safely stored there. The luxury of remembering Hux and Belkadan and their conversation cost him the precious seconds he needed to avert the blast that destroyed not only his x-wing but probably his reputation too.

Under no circumstances could Poe imagine telling his friends and crewmates he failed the mission because he got lost in thoughts of a long dead enemy. He wanted to keep it a secret, to keep it to himself.

There was nothing he could do but wait until someone, anyone came to call him to the post-mission evaluation meeting. He was supposed to be the one leading it. The doubts about his ability to be a leader resurfaced – he realized how stupid it was to go on the mission in the first place. His desire to show off and be the first one to do anything took the better of him and this time it ended with a catastrophe.

Someone knocked on the door and entered right away – it was Rose. The last person he wished to witness his incompetence.

“So. Do you care to tell me what happened on Toydaria?” She couldn’t hide the tentativeness in her voice – she recognized something was not right.

“It was an accident,” he said, trying to make it sound like it could have happened to anyone. But Rose could not be so easily convinced.

“I’ve seen you lead dozens of missions. I’ve flown the Falcon with you. I’ve seen the position you were in this morning – the Poe Dameron I know would have avoided the shot easily and laugh about it later on top.” She stopped talking for a second to take a better look at his face.

“It has something to do with why you left? Was that why you weren’t yourself?”

"We talked about the message I received… it contained some info on a former First order member,” Poe said. The lie he decided to tell came easier than he thought. “It was a ruse and I found out nothing, but I wasted a lot more time than I wanted to. I’m sorry about all of that.”

“Saying sorry is not like you,” Rose remarked. "You want to explain?”

“I don’t think I can do this,” Poe said and his own voice sounded to him like his head was underwater.

“I cannot lead the Resistance anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to update so fast but here I am


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father son talk

“Hey, hey, you shouldn’t be doing that yet. Put it down. It can wait.”

Armitage just rolled his eyes at the concerned Nirs but he still did as the old man told him and let go of the switch he was cleaning. The cut on his hand was healing nicely and with the flood of new energy he couldn’t bear to sit aimlessly so he picked something up to avoid boredom.

“Seems for sure that visit from your friend cheered you up.” Armitage didn’t say anything to that, but Nirs carefully watched the mixed reactions on his face. A bit of hope but Armitage wasn’t foolish enough to let himself be too optimistic – Nirs knew that much. But the old alien was an experienced observer of human nature and he spotted a spark in Armitage’s eyes that wasn’t there before. So he put away the cleaning rag, sat down across Armitage and looked straight at him with piercing glare.

“I think it’s time, my boy, you told me your life story – and by that I don’t mean only your friendship with that reckless pilot Poe. You owe me this – an explanation is due.”

Nirs stated those words resolutely and Hux understood that there was no way out of this conversation. The fear that this friendly old man, who extended a helping hand when he found himself at the bottom, would judge him or possibly even hate him still haunted him though. But Armitage must have admitted Nirs was right and he owed him a clear picture of his entire story. So he took a deep breath and started talking.

***

The light outside changed from golden to soft pink but the two men sitting inside a worn down kitchen haven’t noticed. The stained and dirty windows could have something to do with that but they concentrated on something else that afternoon. It took a couple of hours and endless questions to satisfy Nirs’ curiosity and to get everything out of Armitage’s chest.

“So, General Hux of First Order… I never thought I’d have the honor to meet someone of that rank.” Nirs shook his head once Armitage finished talking.

“I’m surprised you’ve never heard of me before. I guess I’ve become quite infamous.”

“You already know I’ve never cared much about the outside world, boy. But I would like to thank you first for sharing – your honesty makes things much clearer. Now I understand what you were hiding from.”

Nirs hasn’t said it in a condescending way but Armitage still felt a sharp pain near his heart – once he started there was no turning back, so he told Nirs about everything. His father, the years spent in a military academy, the Starkiller base… and he didn’t leave out any details, no matter how ashamed he was that he had to do with all the destruction and suffering. When he got to the part describing how he decided to betray First order and provide information to the Resistance, Nirs only nodded in approval.

“You made the right thing in the end, Armitage. And that counts a lot.”

“Before I met you, nobody called me by my first name,” he said with a shaking voice, trying to stifle the tears.

“For everyone I was just General Hux – and a monster to my enemies.”

“What about your mother?” Nirs asked. “You haven’t mentioned what happened to her.”

All of the effort to keep himself from crying was gone and the tears finally found its way down the pale face.

"She died when I was a child. I can’t…” he stammered, “I can’t even remember if she ever called me by my name. I don’t remember her at all.”

The silence that enclosed them after those words was only interrupted by subtle tweeting of the birds in the distance. Dust particles flew around in the rays of the setting sun. They were quiet for a while. Armitage tried to avoid looking at Nirs and stared at his own hands instead – he didn’t want to know what Nirs thought of the atrocities he committed in the past and how he should be punished for them. He couldn't believe his betrayal of First order nor the remorse he felt would change anything. Armitage was so lost in his own dark thought that when Nirs finally stood up and spoke up it startled him.

“You told me a lot today, boy. A lot to think about. But as I said, I’m not here to judge you – so don’t worry, stay here as long as you need to figure out what to do with your life.”

“Thank you.”

That was all Armitage managed to say before the tears overpowered him. Nirs got ready to leave but he stopped in the doorway and looked at the broken man that still sat behind the table.

“You’ve suffered enough and warred with yourself - it’s time that you’ve won.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The person who correctly guesses the song from which the last quote by Nirs is will win a special place in my heart


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another son, another father

The flowery patch was well taken care of – the few shriveled bluebells he picked suddenly seemed not enough. But there was not much else he could do so Poe sat down on the grass and stared at the stone engraved with his mother’s name. He brought the flowers as an apology, to make himself feel better about the fact that he neglected his responsibility. In the past few years he didn’t find the time too often to come here and pay his respect. Poe tried to remember what his mother was like but only fragments of memories came to his mind… Shara died when he was eight years old.

“You know, mom,” Poe started talking to the quiet gravestone to ease the stifling feeling clutching his chest. “You were always the greatest inspiration to me. I’ve always wanted to be like you – a pilot, a hero.” He stopped there for a while. Those words didn’t come easy to him but the need to say them out loud was more prominent.

“The path I was on – I believed I was made for it but… it’s not so easy now. You would enjoy it – the peace. The war ended. The galaxy is free again.” His speech was interrupted as he wiped the tears with the back of his hand. “I thought I could do it, mom, I really did. That I could lead and be like you – composed and confident and always know when and how to do the right thing. I don’t understand how she did it – General Organa. Oh, I forgot to tell you – she’s gone too.”

His voice broke under the gravity of realization that Leia would never return and his whole body started shaking with sobs. Poe didn’t cry very often – there was no time to mourn casualties, he was always needed somewhere, had something to do, some mission to take on. Now there was none of it and different kinds of decisions and pressure were put onto his shoulders. The weight he wasn’t prepared to carry. It took Poe by surprise when he realized he wasn’t fitted for a general at first but as time went on he was sure someone else was better equipped to take on the role of the Resistance leader. And that’s what he told Rose when asked about his failure on Toydaria.

“I saw an Y-wing so I assumed it was someone from the Resistance, but I wasn’t expecting you.” A shadow covered Poe’s back and he turned around to find an elderly man standing above him.

“Hello, dad. Glad to see you again.”

***

Kes Dameron was always pleased to see his only son. However, this time the reunion between father and son wasn’t exactly a merry one as Kes watched Poe with a great amount of concern. He could sense something was going on but was unable to read emotions on Poe’s face.

“I haven’t visited mom's grave in such a long time. I’m sorry for that,” Poe said when they returned to the family farm. Nothing has changed about the house but he noticed more grey streaks in his father’s hair and felt a stab of guilt as if it was his prolonged absence that caused Kes to grow old.

“I’m not the one you should apologize to, son. I know you’ve been busy with the Resistance. I've heard about everything you and your friends achieved in the past months. I’m proud of you, Poe.” Kes meant it as an encouragement but it had a completely different effect on Poe. Never in his life had he felt like more of a disappointment and he was about to confide his failure to his father.

“There is nothing to be proud about, dad. I left the Resistance today. For good.”

That declaration came as a bomb between them. Kes could barely hide the disapproval in his voice.

“You’ve fought for the Resistance your entire life. The war’s over but it’s not the time to give up.”

“What Resistance needs now is a great politician, not a careless pilot, dad. They have no use of me anymore. And I made that clear before I left.”

Poe avoided his father’s eyes until then but now he looked directly at him, awaiting the reaction. The resolution of Poe’s tone made Kes resign and he let out a deep sigh. He surely didn’t imagine this outcome when Poe returned to Yavin-4.

“What will you do now?” Kes asked his son. Poe didn’t answer for a while but when he spoke again it sounded like he was talking to himself and not to Kes.

“There is someone… I cannot get them out of my mind and I don’t know what to do with it. It’s like I’m lost. I wish someone, anyone really, just showed me the right direction.” Poe was stunned by his own words – did he just admit to his own father that he had feelings for Hux? He was glad he hadn’t mentioned a name – even his otherwise supportive father would probably have very little understanding for his son coupling with an enemy.

“You know, son, for someone as hot-headed as you I’m amazed you haven’t figured it out yet,” Kes commented. “You’ve never made a single decision based on facts but always rather acted on your instincts and you’re telling me you cannot follow your own heart’s advice?”

Kes maybe hasn’t realized it right away but his guidance was exactly what Poe needed to hear. He stood up, kissed his perplexed father on the forehead and ran out to finally do what was right for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pterodactyl screeches all the way, all day every day


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All comes to an end

“I guessed you would return, boy, but what happened to the x-wing of yours that I put back together? I took my time with that ratchet ship.” Nirs pointed to the new Y-wing Poe arrived on while reaching to help BB8 out to greet with the happily beeping orange ball.

“Where is he? Poe didn’t have the heart to tell Nirs he crashed said x-wing and sent all his hard work down the drain so instead he concentrated on the only reason why he came back to Belkadan.

“Armitage went to the Werhein’s farm just over that ridge… Hey, hey, boy, wait!” Nirs shouted at Poe in vain – he was focused on finding Hux and no force in the galaxy could stop him.

Poe ran as if his heart grew wings but when he finally saw the farm Nirs told him about he realized that once again he didn’t think anything through beforehand. He made no promises before his hasty departure the last time he saw Armitage. Suddenly Poe was thankful he didn’t run into him as soon as he landed on Belkadan. It would probably be better if Poe explained himself first. But now when he was absolutely and utterly sure about his feelings, he had no clue how to express them. He leaned against a tree and touched the pocket with orange hair again – it gave him the courage he needed. Meanwhile he noticed someone from a distance, someone with bright orange hair and a lean figure. His heart was racing painfully as if trying to escape from his ribcage so he just stood where he was and waited for Armitage to get closer. He carried a crate filled with fresh vegetables – it must have been heavy because he put it down as he saw Poe standing there.

“Waiting for something, Dameron?” he asked with one eyebrow raised in amusement. Instead of answering, embarrassed Poe picked up one side of the box and helped Armitage carry it back to the shop. The awkward silence between them stretched as they walked through the uneven terrain.

“You returned so quickly that one would think you forgot something here, Dameron. But I recall you took your jacket and your precious little droid with you, so I can’t imagine what it could be,” Armitage continued in his mockery. “But if I'd made a bet with Nirs about your return I would have lost – he was the one solidly convinced you would come back for whatever reason.”

Hux was obviously in a good mood and that somehow made the situation even more difficult for Poe. He almost wished they yelled at each other again – maybe it would have been easier for him to find the right words in the heat of the argument. The rest of the way went without talking as Poe didn’t know what to say. When they finally put the crate on the uneven kitchen table, Armitage turned to Poe.

“Look Dameron, if you came back because you think you can talk me into joining the Resistance because of my “newfound conscience” or any other nonsense…”

“I left,” Poe interrupted him even before he finished the sentence. This left Hux bewildered.

“You did what?”

“As I said – I left the Resistance. For good, forever, whatever you call it,” Poe said angrily. “I got shot during a mission and crashed the x-wing. I completely lost it, that’s why.”

“Oh,” was the only reaction Armitage was capable of.

“I wasn’t honest with you before.” This was Poe’s last chance and he had nothing to lose.

“Go on,” Armitage crossed his arms and stared at Poe while he opened the jacket and took out a little package carefully hidden in the inner pocket. He unrolled it to show its contents to the other man.

“When I told you I received a message with the coordinates… that wasn’t the whole truth. I knew it was you because of this,” Poe showed him the strand of orange hair.

“I was sure it must have been you.”

He looked up at Armitage in hope that he would bring some light into the matter and explain. But the reaction Poe got was not the one he expected as Hux gave him a disgusted sneer.

“That’s an insane story, Dameron. You must have gone mad. I’m sure of it.” With those words he left and Poe found himself alone in the old kitchen again.

***

When Nirs walked into the room some minutes later he saw Poe lying with his head on the table.

“What the kriff happened between the two of you this time? Lord knows you argue more than a married couple,” he said in a tone that suggested he was more than done with their behavior and constant arguments. That’s when he saw the strand of hair and the datadisk.

“What’s that?” he asked as a flash of understanding flew across his face.

“This is the package I received… and that’s how I knew where to find Armitage.” It was the first time Poe called the other man by his actual name and it surprised him how nicely it sounded.

“Oh, right, I remember now,” Nirs took the disk but put it back when he saw how nervous it made Poe.

“It was during his first week here or so – while he still dreamt of getting away. I wanted to cheer him up a bit so I poured us some spotchka and the boy got so drunk he cut his own hair, recorded the datadisk and gave it to some random trader guy in the cantina to deliver it. To be frank I forgot he did that – I wasn’t exactly sober myself and I didn’t see the name it was addressed to. But yeah, I get it now. I guess Armie was more surprised than I that you actually came.”

Poe just stared at him in disbelief… so Armitage himself was the one who sought him out? He really called out to Poe for help? An unexpected burst of hope sparked in his chest… maybe not everything was lost.

“Thank you for telling me Nirs, it helped a lot.”

“Wait, you didn’t know this? He hasn’t told you?” asked Nirs slowly but Poe was already out the door. Nirs just shook his head and took to preparing the dinner, not being sure what the ginger and the pilot had going on between them.

***

Poe didn’t have to go far – he found Armitage in the backyard where they watched the sunset together. It happened only a couple days ago but to Poe it seemed like an entire eternity passed between those two points in time. The time when he didn’t know he was in love with Armitage and the moment he was absolutely sure he didn’t want to live without him anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me it was you in the first place?” Poe asked tentatively.

“I didn’t want to give myself a false hope you’d come to help me … or save me. I didn’t want to be so desperate,” Armitage explained but he refused to look at Poe. “Later I forgot about it too. As I said – I gave up hope that you'd get the message.”

“But I got it. And I am here. And I care.” As Poe said those words he stepped closer leaning towards Armitage. Their faces were almost touching and Poe could feel how his breathing slowed down.

“I couldn't dare to hope…” Armitage started but Poe didn’t let him finish. He gently took Armitage’s face into both hands and pressed their lips together in a tender kiss. At that moment the galaxy stopped existing for them. After what seemed like an infinity Armitage took a step back and looked straight into Poe’s eyes.

“I knew you would come. I knew it.”

“How could you be so sure?”

“I’m the spy, remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The days of my endless pterodactyl screeching are slowly coming to an end but I hope you enjoyed watching my two dumb babies getting together


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to personally apologize to everyone who feels hurt by my writing  
> Also thank you for sticking with me until the very end

The suspicious silence and a lack of yelling and arguing made Nirs leave the kitchen and peek outside the back door with BB8 following right behind him. When he saw the two ex-generals lost in the moment and completely oblivious to their surroundings he just looked at the droid and went back to the stove to finish the meal. BB8 let out a single beep that could be interpreted in several different ways but Nirs just snickered and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know when they snap out of it, but don’t worry, buddy, they’ll come back when they’re hungry.” And he returned to cutting his veggies, as untroubled as ever. He considered this development of events an improvement. BB8 beeped disapprovingly a couple times before he understood there was nothing he could do about the current state of his owner and so he huffily hid under the kitchen table and pouted.

It was late even for the hunting bats when the two men came back to their senses. Poe didn’t mind the dark one bit though he was a little sorry he couldn’t see the beautiful pink flush on Armitage’s cheeks. But then he caressed his face and realized he could do it anytime he wanted from now on and that helped a lot. Poe also noticed how the temperature dropped – the only sign of the air getting colder were goosebumps on Armitage’s pale skin. 

“We should go back in before you freeze to death,” Poe said half-jokingly, half-seriously. Armitage just laughed at that – a heartfelt and sincere laughter Poe hadn’t heard from him before and it was very refreshing to see him being genuinely happy. Poe felt like the urge to say something because they had so much to talk about but he had to let go of the idea as Armitage just took his hand and led him back to the house, past the cold dinner Nirs left for them on the counter and to the narrow bed where he used to sleep. And Poe didn’t protest as they lay down and continued kissing but this time with less clothes on and more pressing needs to take care of. 

***

“Good morning, kids. Nothing against you two but could you have sex a little bit quieter? Some of us here are trying to sleep at night, you know?” 

This was Nirs’ way of greeting them the next morning. The sun was already high when they woke up and decided that breakfast was probably a good idea. Poe reacted with a not so subtle grin but Armitage’s ears turned an even deeper shade of red than his hair. He stared at the floor, unable to look at Nirs or Poe but his view was obscured by a very annoyed droid requiring attention so Armitage scratched BB8 to hide his awkwardness. 

“Good morning, Nirs. We’ll try next time but I personally can make no promises,” Poe said and winked at terrified Armitage. With a sigh he realized Poe was a very open person who didn’t hide his feelings and opinions and he’d probably have to get used to this. Not that he minded that much – as he learnt last night he could get used to Poe’s way of doing things pretty quickly. Armitage never imagined he would ever meet someone and allow them to touch him the way Poe did but then he remembered some of the things he experienced that night and a new wave of embarrassment flooded him. In the meantime, Poe, unbothered by Armitage’s very visible embarrassment, poured himself a cup of coffee and smiled at BB8 who seemed to forgive him the neglect and was beeping contentedly now. The three (four, if we count BB8) sat and ate in a peaceful silence for a while.

“So, I assume you’re here to stay with us, right, Poe?” Nirs asked casually when their quietness dragged on a little bit too long. 

“Yeah… I would say so,” Poe replied as he looked at Armitage and a slight nod from the ginger was all he needed. 

***

“Thanks, N-87, I don’t need this anymore.”

Armitage handed the gear back to the droid and climbed out of the wreck of a rusting ship. He was working on an old freighter that day, stripping the ship down to its bare hull and taking apart all the components that could be useful later. That summer on Belkadan was surprisingly hot as they got caught in a heat wave that lasted for weeks. He wiped his sweaty eyebrows with the bottom of his shirt, revealing a necklace with a simple band ring on it that hung on his pale chest. Armitage mindlessly stroked the ring between his fingers. He finally let go of it – his work for the day was done so he packed everything and headed back home to Poe.


End file.
